Sid Roth

Sid: God is putting a burden in the heart of Jewish people to want to know God, and that’s why God is putting a burden in the heart of Christians to want to witness the love of God to Jewish people.  And we’re watching this unfold right before our very eyes and we have someone that was raised up by God that went through things that no human should have to go through, but had a revelation of the love of Father God and wants everyone to experience the love of Father God.  And you see how we experience the love of Father God determines how we receive everything that God has available for us in this life.  And I have to tell you I understand what David said, in reference to “Please don’t take your Holy Spirit from me.”  He understood the love of God the Father and you could take anything away from Paul, anything away from David, but don’t take God’s love away.  And with God’s love, no matter what happens on this earth, you will be in perfect peace, that’s what God has available to his children.  Now AJ had an alcoholic father, an abusive father, especially while he was drinking; a mother that was an alcoholic; she had just very severe asthma; she was anorexic; she was suicidal; she didn’t get along with her siblings.  And she was pulled out of school one day by her mother and found out her father was dying, he was in the hospital, he had fallen down ninety-two stairs, all sorts of internal bleeding, he was not going to survive.  And of all the children the father says “I want to see AJ.”  AJ doesn’t want to see him she was pulled out of school, literally by the hair on her head to go see him because he was dying.  And he wanted to make amends with his daughter and so she goes in, she didn’t realize the reason he was dying is he tried to get off of alcohol and as a result he went into convulsions and seizures and fell down ninety-two stairs.  But his reason for wanting to get off of alcohol was to have a restoration with his daughter AJ.  So AJ is in there, the doctor overhears the conversation and what was the conversation like AJ between you and your Dad?

AJ: Well, when I went around the curtain my Dad just looked over at me and he opened up his hand and he said, “One more chance,” and I said, “No.”  And my Dad started crying and I don’t ever remembering seeing my Dad cry before that, and so it was kind of shocking.  And he said it again, “One more chance and I said, “I can’t do that.”  And I walked away, I just walked back to walk out of the little curtain area and the doctor stopped me and he said, “You know your Father isn’t going to live through the night, so why don’t let him die thinking he has one more chance.”  So I thought about that for a second and thought okay that’s okay if he is going to die, that’s fine.  Then went around and I looked at my Dad and I remember just putting up you know one finger and saying “You have one more chance,” and I wish I had said it with kindness, or anything, but I didn’t I was just, it was almost, I was so angry you know.  And anyway, I ran away, literally I ran out of the hospital and disappeared for several hours.  But what happened was, the bleeding just stopped overnight, I mean the next morning the doctors were like, we can’t explain it you know, but the bleeding has stopped overnight.  And you know, he’s going to be okay, and I just knew that God had kind of set me up.  So I kind of freaked out about that, but my Dad was in the hospital for about a week, a little over a week and then he came out.  So yeah, he ended up checking himself into a drug and alcohol rehab center for, I can’t remember if it was about six or nine months at this point actually, but it was ages and he let all his clients know.  He was an architect and he let them all know that he was an alcoholic and he was getting his family back.  And that sort of started the road for us towards having a relationship.  When he got out he wanted his one more chance that I had promised him and so that was a scary moment for me.  So, I remember sitting down with my Dad and my sister because I didn’t want to be with my Dad on my own and just sort of saying “Okay if you want your one more chance, then here’s the ground rules; if you ever yell at me again I will charge you for everything that you’ve ever done, if you ever touch me again, I’ll charge you for everything that that you’ve ever done.”  I just went through this horrible list with him, and he said, “Yeah, that sounds fair.”  And what that really started for me was probably four or five of the best years of my life where God completely restored our relationship.  I mean, more than restored, because we didn’t really have one before.  And my Dad became like my best friend, we both were swimming competitively and we and we would go to each other’s meets and we would go on vacation, just the two of us.  And we just; he was amazing when he wasn’t drinking; and I remember in high school, my best friend in high school use to call me Dad my other best friend because she knew if I was cancelling with her it was because I was going out with Dad.

Sid: You know that was wonderful, but then you got hit again; I mean how much can one person take; your Dad then after you developed this wonderful relationship with him, he killed himself.

AJ: Yeah.

Sid: Why did he do that?

AJ: I don’t know, I don’t suppose you ever know why, I was about nineteen and we knew that he hadn’t been sleeping and stuff like that.  He had insomnia but just got a call one day and all of a sudden my whole world fell apart again.  And I had been saved about four year years by this time; but if I’m honest I didn’t know.  God was so speaking, but I didn’t know how to hear His voice so I didn’t know where look in the Bible to make me feel any better.  And I hadn’t dealt with any of my issues; I just better shove them all down you know so they all came up real fast.  And life became…

Sid: I noticed that if believers don’t deal with these things the devil sets them up knowing that they have all this stuff inside of them ready to explode.

AJ: Sure it will eat you alive.

Sid: Okay, so you planned to get out of this life the way your Dad did; you planned on committing suicide; you were going to over medicate; what stopped you?

AJ: I heard the voice of God, I was at my Dad’s apartment and my family, my family was kind of a wreck; everybody was a wreck.  And my sister had just gotten out of the physic ward struggling with depression and my mother was struggling with depression so it was just they voted and I was voted in as the strongest member of the family to clean up the mess because we couldn’t pay anyone to clean up the mess of his suicide.  So I was sitting in this room trying to get the blood off of the floor and I just thought, “You know what he had a right and I’m going to do this and I’m going to make sure it works this time.” because I had tried before.  And I got a whole bunch of pills and I got enough that it would have done it and I was just sort of getting ready to swollen them and I heard a voice; like audibly heard a voice in the room very loudly saying, “No, I love you!”  And it shocked me, because I knew nobody was in the house with me and so I dropped all the pills.  And when I finally got my head together and I looked down and the pills were all sitting in his blood and I couldn’t pick them up so I just sat there and I cried until about a half hour later my Mom came back and found me in the same position.  So yeah, God stopped me.

Sid: And not only did He stop you, but a friend then invites you to a church that’s not your style, its John Arnott’s.  At that time it was a Vineyard Church and you’re seated in the congregation against your will; you were coerced to go; and tell me about the first song you heard.

AJ: The first song I heard was an old vineyard song called “Father I Want You to Hold Me” and I had never been in a church like this and I was sitting you know two rows from the back under protest.  And I remember when that first song started playing I heard this horrible sound; this sort of horrible wailing kind of sound and it probably took me literally about thirty seconds to figure out that I was making that sound.  I couldn’t contain the pain any more you know and so as I guess the Holy Spirit was just moving through that room and I uncapped in a very big way.  And so I actually cried all the way through worship, I don’t think a person near me could hear anything.

Sid: And then John Arnott had a word of knowledge, what was it?

AJ: Well, he was at the end of speaking he was standing at the front and he said, “You know there’s somebody here that Daddy loves them.”

Sid: Stop, were out of time, oh, will pick up right here.