Sid Roth

Sid: I am absolutely overwhelmed with the information that Gary Kah is making available to us.  He’s telling us secrets that the media has purposely hidden and in fact one of the things I saw in going over your material Gary, is about under an Islamic Shrine in Israel they found important original records that were buried there.  Now where was this shrine located?

Gary: Well, it’s a Shrine of Omar in Jerusalem and yes, some Israeli TV journalists were secretly filming under that areas a few years back and they discovered a tunnel that had initially been dug in the Middle Ages it’s believed by the Knights Templers that had control of that area.  And the Templers had found some of the early original documents of the church in Jerusalem involving and revealing what the church actually believed, how they were structured, what they did.  And information of that nature and this is very key information and I believe that there are those today who do not want that information out and as a result want control of that area.

Sid: Well, if the information came out, what I believe from looking over your data in Research is it would change the whole structure of what we call the church today.  It would even change the thinking about a hieracy that is rampant and the devil is the one behind if it’s hieracy and that’s called replacement theology where the Christians replaced the Jews.  And that just messes up everything to understand end time Bible prophecy.

Gary: Exactly, and of course many church groups over the years have been pushing replacement theology and these findings of what the early century church really believed and practice would totally shatter that.  And you know…

Sid: You know I would love to get a hold of that information; it would answer a lot of questions I’ve been asking God.  I mean these were religious people would stop controlling it so we could see what authentic Christianity really was like.

Gary: Yeah, exactly and I feel the same way, you know you cannot have the church replacing the Jews, it’s not scriptural.  But that’s what is being taught and that helped to lead I believe to the openness by some Christians during Nazi Germany to do what they did.  However, groups that do not believe in replacement theology have a much better openness to the Jewish people.  And so you kind of draw a line in the sand along those lines and people who do not believe the replacement theology also have a must more literal interpretation of Bible prophecy so they heed the end time warning and take them seriously.  Whereas advocates of replacement theology not so much so.

Sid: Let me ask you a question, there’s a man that intrigued me when he was the head of England, Tony Blair.  And he kind of dropped out of the scene and now he seems to be reemerging, but not in a very good way.  Tell me about Mr. Blair, what’s been going on with him?

Gary: Well, when Tony Bair stepped down from being Britain’s Prime Minister a few years ago he went through a lot of changes in his life.  Actually he converted to Roman Catholicism and then founded the Tony Blair Faith Foundation.  And also around that same time became the main negotiator for the Western Powers regarding Mid East Peace, so he has been traveling a lot to Israel, to Rome and points in between moving negotiations forward.  So he’s a very important figure in the world, a very likeable individual personality wise the way he presents himself.  But through his Faith Foundation he has openly stated now that his goal is to unify the world’s religions and so he is playing right into this inter-faithism this bringing together the world’s religions so that the global political agenda for world government can succeed.  And whether he’s doing this completely knowingly or unknowingly I don’t know, but he’s a very smart person. So I presuming that he must be in favor of global government because it would be difficult for him not to be in light of what he’s doing and some of the statements that he has made.

Sid: Now, you mentioned in your DVDs that we are making available amazing top evangelicals by name that are involved with the Tony Blair Faith Foundation how could these people be involved with that?

Gary: Well, one of them is actually on his Board of Directors along with a top Muslim Choleric and people of other religions and that again it mystifies me.  I don’t know how that is possible because this is not a case where the goal is unknown, Tony Blair has again openly stated that his purpose is to unify the world’s religions; he has even taught a course a Yale University on how to go about doing that.  And so to have a top Christian Evangelical Leader involved in that with him it simply if unacceptable, it really is.  And it breaks my heart to see that, but again a sign of the times I suppose.

Sid: Okay, so the foundations is after unifying all religions, but it seems as though a focal point is Jerusalem, why Jerusalem?

Gary: Well, in Jerusalem you have Christians, Jews and Muslims all with a major stake there.  And the ultimate goal in all of this is to make Jerusalem the Interfaith Capitol of the World; to bring all the world’s religions together there.  And also another goal, along with that from a political stand point is these people would like to Internationalize Jerusalem.  In other words, basically remove it out from under Israeli sovereignty and make Jerusalem international entity unto itself with international peace keeping forces there.  And so it would be its own political machine so to speak and the religions of the world coming together in that spot, in that location.  And of course, you and I both understand this really would set the stage then for the anti-Christ to take power.  Because if the international forces would ultimately have control of Jerusalem and are pushing this inter-faithism and coming together of this world’s religions; and this world’s countries then who would be able to stop a leader of that international authority from taking his seat of power in that spot?  It’s very intriguing of what really could happen through all of this.

Sid: Now, something that you reveal I’ve never heard before, that in 1993 there was a letter written to the Pope by the Prime Minister of Israel Perez and what did that letter say?

Gary: Well, in that letter that was sent by the Pope by Shimon Peres, Peres promised to internationalize Jerusalem to go along with internationalizing Jerusalem and granting UN political control of the Old City.  I stagger when you think about it and again…

Sid: And now, of course Peres is dead now so does that have any validity?

Gary: Well, this information came out many years ago and I believe it did get limited coverage in the media, but after a short time you didn’t hear much about it.  But it was not a secret that Shimon Peres was a very strong globalist and was very committed to a global agenda and I believe that his role has been over the years to help condition Israel, prepare Israel to come into this global government.  And you see you have to understand Sid, the biggest, one of the biggest problems that internationalists have had in bringing about this global government has been that the people of Israel and the people of the United States are so independent minded and they don’t want to go into this world government and so somehow there has to be a conditioning, reasons have to be given for why it would be to our advantage to move into this World Government.  Otherwise people aren’t going to do it unless they really have to they aren’t going to do it.  And I believe Peres was involved heavily in trying to lay the foundation in Israel to help get the Israeli people to that point.

Sid: And you also bring out something that is amazing, how could Muslims believe in what the Muslim believes unite with a Christian, with a Protestant, with a Catholic, but there’s a connection between Mary and Islam?  Explain.

Gary: That’s right this is something I actually stumbled on to in my research, I didn’t know this until a few years ago.  But Mohammed believed that when he would go to Paradise that Mary would be his wife.  And also there is a high regard for Mary within Islamic circles partly for that reason.  In addition to that, Mohammed had a daughter by the name of Fatima.  Now Fatima of Portugal is the location of where apparitions of Mary allegedly were seen in the early nineteen hundreds and of course that’s not a secret most people listening would know that; the alleged apparitions of Mary and Fatima of Portugal.  Well to Muslims that was significant because they thought of all places where these apparitions shows to appear it was in Fatima, a city named after Mohammed’s daughter.  And so there is this connection between Mary and Islam and of course Mary is highly revered in Roman Catholic circles as well as of course honored very much so in Protestant circles.  But this is being used; these facts are being used to try to bring Islam and Christianity together and there has been some success along those lines.

Sid: You know I hear of stories, wonderful stories and I meet Muslims that have had encounters with Jesus, where no human agency has witnessed to them, but Jesus has come and they’ve become extremely strong Christians.  But isn’t it interesting many Muslims are also having appearances of Mary which you can see where that’s going.

Gary: Yeah, in fact I told my wife years ago that, “If the time ever came when we would hear of Muslims claiming to see apparitions of Mary that we know that things were getting very close that were getting close to the end,” and all these pieces of the puzzle fitting together for global government and also eventually the return of Jesus.  But Muslims in different countries now including Egypt and Indonesia are saying that they are seeing Mary and in some cases hundreds at a time.  There apparitions of Mary are allegedly promoting global unity, unification of the world’s religions and our coming together.

Sid: Oh, our time I’m sorry our time has slipping away again Gary.

Sid: My guest, Dennis Jernigan is red hot for the Messiah, as a young Christian man he had a war going on inside of him.  He loved the Lord, he knew the Bible, he was active in church but he had a secret life as a homosexual and he did not know how to resolve this.  He even got suicidal but God through His mercy revealed His love and set him free.  And when you hear his music, the operative word on His music is freedom.  He is not a song writer, as he’ll gladly volunteer, he’s a son receiver.  You see this music of his didn’t come from him and he knows that, it came from heaven.  And I believe that, I’ve never heard such a pure anointing on music and worship as I’ve heard on his and literally chains fall off of people.  Is it your experience that when you do a concert many people in the audience are suicidal, Dennis?

Dennis: It’s very common for them to come because especially concerning things like homosexuality a lot of people believe that’s a hopeless thing.  So I get a lot of people who are in despair and hopeless situations coming in anyway just wanting, it’s almost like they are touching the hem of the garment, that’s the attitude they come with.  So yeah, more often than not they’ll come up to me and talk with me afterwards so I know for a fact that’s taking place.  And one of the things I try to do after, when you lead people to freedom, they are going to worship, so after those times of worship are done and I stay to the stay until the last person leaves normally just hearing the stories because I want people to know, you know what?  Even if I don’t have the strength to say anything to you, I am going to at least acknowledge the fact that you’re worth my time because you’re worth Jesus time so you’re worth my time.  And by in large people just need to know somebody else cares they exist.  Most of the people I minister to Sid will never darken the door of the church, they just won’t, that’s why I have such a massive online ministry because people feel like they are going to be ostracised or rejected if they confess anything like that.   I’ve even had, believe it or not just of late the last couple of years, we’ve probably had ten or fifteen people come out of satanic covens who say that they can’t do this anymore, Jernigan’s telling me the truth, I’m going to follow after the Lord.  So we are seeing even that become a manifestation of what God is doing in our lives here.

Sid: Okay, there are people listening to us right now that are suicidal.  There are people listening to us right now that are homosexuals or lesbians; there are people listening to us right now that have been abused and that have addictions of different types; do you really believe that just the way that you were set free they could get set free that anyone could?

Dennis: If I can be set free anyone can be set free, and here’s the deal with suicidal thoughts, this is what the Holy Spirit’s revealed to me and it has really helped me overcome those things; is the fact that the right to determine life or death does not rest with me, that belongs with the one who made me.  So that means if I’m wanting to take my own life, and I’m free.  This was me, I can’t speak for anyone else but I was looking only at me.  I was so self focused I was making all the decisions of my life.  I was even telling God, “You can’t love me because of my sin.”  Well, that’s me sitting on the throne of my heart, that’s the suicidal thoughts for me ended the moment I said, “I’m stepping down, I can’t make a decision that’s meant for God.  He is the one that’s made me so He can love me as much as He wants, in fact we don’t get to decide if God loves us, that is not our place.  His very nature is love and it’s perfect holy love, we only have two choices in any moment and this is for those that are struggling with addiction or suicide or homosexuality or whatever.  Jesus loves you right where you are so you either accept it or embrace His love or you reject it.  And the good news is that not only does He love you right where you are but he loves you enough to not leave you there, that’s why it’s called relationship.  My viewing, most asked question in my life was your healing instant or has it been a process?  And the answer is yes, to both of those because in an instant I understood, I am who my Father says I am by the grace of God, nothing else, I can’t conform my way to that place, it’s just a free gift so I better embrace it.  So I did and the journey, the process of my healing has looked like this, when Lazarus was called forth from the grave he came out fully alive but he was not fully free because Jesus said to those around Lazarus, “Lose from him the grave clothes, so for about thirty years now, I’ve just been walking towards Jesus.  I want to be able to lift my hands in any area, so He says, “Well Jernigan, My son you don’t look good clothed in that pride, let’s rip that away, that the old grave clothes, that’s the things that define you in your deaden state, that’s not who you are.  See that spirit of humility that’s planted in you, that’s who you are, be that, be who I say you are.  So the process is just a journey of relationship and we have a God who wants, longs for relationship with us.  So to all your listeners, I say to you just cry out to God, He’s just waiting for you to just call to Him and He will meet you right where you are.

Sid: But you know what?  There are people listening to us that are exactly who you are speaking to and there are people listening to us that somehow they are not free, there not free to bask in the glory of God.  They are not free to have intimacy with God and I believe the anointing that sets people free of sin and addictions, that same anointing will set people free from self and the world.  And as a matter of fact, just briefly tell me about the song “Consume Me.”

Dennis: “Consume Me,” was written for, it’s a cool story.  I have a friend and when our sons and daughters became of age of thirteen we had not bar mitzvah or bat mitzvah but we had a calling them into adulthood, a calling them into manhood, or calling them into womanhood ceremony.  And we just spoke truth into their lives and just invited them into that realm and for my son, my friends son he asked me to seek the Lord and give him a son that would minister to his son his identity in Christ.  And as I thought about his son and I just realized he’s young, he’s passionate and I know his desire, his heart of hearts even as a boy was to be so consumed with the Lord that it’s hard to tell where the Lord begins and he ends.  And so that’s where the song came out, it was written for a young man of thirteen that if my heart cry and I believe it, it’s honest it’s the hearts cry of every believer who want to be known passionately by their Lord.

Sid: I believe that as you ask in the presence of God on this morning, consume me, that you will start not being able to know, it’s the beginning not being able to know where God ends and you begin.  “Consume me Lord.”

Dennis Jernigan’s excerpt. “Consume Me.”

Sid: That was “Consume me,” Dennis Jernigan who is just a receiver from God.  Now Dennis I know what is happening to me when I sit under your music, I know what’s happening to my staff when they sit under your music.  Tell me in concerts what happens to people.

Dennis: Well, we’ve had everything from people not only leaving the bondage of homosexuality and lesbianism but we’ve seen marriage after marriage after marriage, after marriage restored.  We’ve seen children reunited with parents, parents reconciled with children.  We’ve even seen manifestations of people receiving physical healings, you name it.  In God’s presence there’s fullness of joy so when we remind ourselves of God is here let’s deal with it like we do when we come to worship, our entire being is focused in that realm.  So the enemy has no place and if the enemy has no place than we are free to listen to what the Lord has for us and to receive what the Lord has for us.  So really we see more emotional healing than anything, just to be honest with you.  If people did not know that they were loved or lovable comes to place of realization it’s like seeing 100 light bulbs or a thousand light bulbs come on.

Sid: But you know what people that do know that they are loved do understand that still have chains by being in this world.  And I believe that those chains fall off of anyone that sits under this anointing.

Sid: We want every everywhere to be Red Hot for the Messiah, and once you get this teaching and revelation of what the Jewish Patriarch knew and understand imparting the blessing.  I mean as Pastor Bill Ligon as you explained on yesterday’s broadcast the Jewish people without the power of the imparting of the blessing would have never survived in the desert.

Bill: Oh no, they could not have made it without these three pillars of faith operating in their lives; all three are what God used to transform them.  And it is the Aaronic blessing that releases God’s favor upon them.  You see many of God’s people have had the Blood Covenant, they’ve had the moral code, but they haven’t had the favor of God released upon them.  So we have a lot of people who are struggling in their lives because they do not have that favor and God wants them to have that favor released upon them.  In their personal lives, in their work place, and in their homes; He wants families to be united together and it is the Aaronic blessing that will bring that together in their homes.

Sid: Now, just out of curiosity, did you have your Father or someone pray this blessing over you?

Bill: Well, when I began to learn the principals my Father was deceased, he passed away six months after I was married.  But I had a brother twenty years my senior who was not a churchman, wasn’t active in church, didn’t have anything to do with church.  The fact is that a sister close of his age went down to Florida where he lived and tried to talk to him about the Lord and he told her if she was going to come and preach to him just to not come.  But he and I were together with our wives one tine in adjoining motel rooms visiting our Mother who was in a nursing home.  And I thought well, here’s my brother and I’m going to receive the Aaronic blessing from my brother, my older brother.  So I went to him, my wife and I went to him in his room with him and his wife and we called him Scottie.  And I said, “I said, I know that you love me?  He said, “Oh yes, you know I love you.”  And I said, “Well do you want good things for my wife and my children and me or bad things?”  He said, he called me son, he said, “Oh son, you know I want good things.”  I said, “Well, God will release those upon me if you will speak them over me and I have these blessings here prepared for you.  Would you right now, I am going to just get in front of you on my knees in front of you and would you put your hands on me and would you then say then, “May the Lord bless you with and begin to release these upon my life?”  He did Sid and when he did, the Spirit of God came upon him and he began to cry I could feel his tears dropping down on my cheeks and on my shoulder.  And when he got through blessing me, he then got on his knees and he said, “Now do it to me.”  And I was able to release blessings upon my older brother, twenty years my senior.  I could release blessing upon him and while I had my hand upon him I said, “May the Lord reveal himself to you, may the Lord fill you with His love and his grace and may the Lord give you understanding of salvation and may the Lord make you a part of His family.”  Well shortly after that his wife passed away and he moved up to Boise, Idaho to be near his daughter and one day she called me and said, “Uncle Bill, Dad just had a heart attack and died.”  So I flew up there and her pastor said, came to me and said, “I guess you were concerned about your brother.”  I said, “Well, I was,” he said, “You need to know that when he came here his daughter brought him to church, he heard the gospel and he gave his heart to the Lord.”  And I believe Sid, that it was that blessing that I was able to speak over my brother the same man who told my sister not to preach to him, I believe that’s what God used to transform his life and bring him into the kingdom of God.  Just like I believe it happened in your father’s life when he spoke blessing over you.

Sid: You know my father came to the Lord on his death bed literally, but when I asked him to pray the Aaronic benediction over me I knew that he couldn’t figure out why I was asking him to pray it.  Even though he was an Orthodox Jew; I mean here his son believes in Jesus; it doesn’t make any sense, but I also believe, like your brother, that when I asked him to pray something very supernatural occurred.  What about you when your brother prayed over you, when your brother prayed for you, what effect did it have?

Bill: It had a tremendous impact on my life and I began to have favor from God after he did it.  And one of the things that some people don’t realize is that certain people have a position in your life before God like a Father even though he may not be a churchman or may not be at all interested in the things of God has a position before God.  He has a parental office before God.  My older brother had a position before God with me.  And even though he wasn’t a churchman and wasn’t a believer at the time, never the less when he spoke that blessing God was present and God did exactly what God said He would do and he’ll do it for other people too.

Sid: What about someone that says, “My Father is dead, or he won’t pray over me, I don’t have any brothers to pray over me, am I Iost with this blessing?”

Bill: Oh no, I have encouraged if someone says my Father’s deceased and I don’t have someone in my family who could do that I’ve encouraged them to ask there pastor and his wife to have a blessing service kind of like a bar mitzvah or bat mitzvah and speak blessing over them.

Sid: Actually in your workbook and your teaching you recommend people if they’ve never had this type of a blessing; a bar mitzvah or bat mitzvah you actually recommend no matter what their age they should have it.

Bill: Exactly, I think that every person is deficient until they have that blessing spoken over their lives.  And I encourage everyone to do that and we give them full instruction in this material on how to do it.  My wife gives information on how to have, you know the word, bar means son, right and mitzvah is a commandment.  So when whose bar mitzvah is a son who has embraced the commandments to keep the commandments and bat means daughter.  So that’s a daughter of the commandments who has committed herself to keep the commandments of God.

Sid: Okay, we found out that you and your wife bless each other every morning and it has made the difference between you being emotionally attached and unified in spirit.  It’s transformed your marriage, what about your two sons?  Tell me about them.

Bill: From the time we began to understand the principals of blessing we started laying hand on them and blessing them, speaking blessing over their lives.  And one of the great joys has been to have them turn around and lay hands on us and speak blessing over us.  And now our older son has five children and he and his wife speak blessing over those children every day, but one of the interesting things is that when they get though the children who are small they are from ages four to ten, they speak blessing over their parents and before their Dad leaves for work every day they speak blessing over his life.

Sid: So tell me about; let’s start with your older son, what happened in his life as he’s an adult now.

Bill: Well, when he was leaving for college, Sid he called me into his room and he fell to his knees and he said, “Dad bless me one more time before I leave.”  And so I spoke blessing over him and then he got in his car and he drove off.  And then years later after he became an attorney he was raised up as a municipal judge in our city and when he started his court practice he asked me to come to his court the second time that he sat on the bench and when they were ready to start the court they had everyone rise and as the police ushered him in and he went to the bench and then he said, “Everyone remain standing, he said my father is here and I’m calling him forward to speak blessing over this court.”  And so he…

Sid: So when the judge orders something they have to do it.

Bill: Yes, you do it.

Sid: Even in America.

Bill: That’s right so he began his sixteen year career as a judge with the blessing being spoken over his judgeship and over his court.  And his court was very successful and prosperous all of those years.

Sid: And he just was promoted, tell me about that in Congress.

Bill: Well, last fall he was elected to the State Senate and he’s now the Senator for this District.  And he called me one day from the Senate Office in Atlanta and said, “Dad we want you to come up and pray in the Senate and I want you to speak blessing over the Senate and over all the Senators and over the Governor and the Lieutenant Governor.  So we had a Blessing Service in the Senate in the State of George back in January.

Sid: And tell me about your son, John who is a writer.

Bill: John had a great inspiration to begin to write on the second Pillar of Faith on the Moral Code of God.  So we began to lay hands on him and bless him and God has supernaturally anointed him.  He now has produced four of the books on the Ten Commandments.  They are beautifully illustrated.  They are all in rhythm and they challenge and inspire children and parents as well to have a great honor and respect for the Moral Code of God.

Sid: And very briefly for your surprise eightieth Birthday what did your five grandchildren do?

Bill: Oh my goodness, the church had that for us and as a part of the ceremony the five children and all of my family, two sons my daughter – in- law, my wife and my mother- in- law, they all gathered around me and those children spoke the Aaronic Blessing over Poppa.

Sid: What did that mean to you?

Bill: Oh my goodness Sid, I can’t tell you how significant that was to me and how it moved my heart with deep love and compassion, not only for those babies, but for all of my family and all of my household and the church.

Sid: Do you believe that either of your sons would have achieved what they have achieved so far without the power of the blessing?

Bill: No, I do not I believe that that’s important and I don’t believe that I would have come to the place where I am today.  Here I am walking in health, eighty years of age, walking in health, I feel as healthy and strong as these twenty and thirty years olds walking around your office here.  And I work a full day every day, I’ve been up since five o’clock this morning.

Sid: Oops we are out of time…

Sid: God is putting a burden in the heart of Jewish people to want to know God, and that’s why God is putting a burden in the heart of Christians to want to witness the love of God to Jewish people.  And we’re watching this unfold right before our very eyes and we have someone that was raised up by God that went through things that no human should have to go through, but had a revelation of the love of Father God and wants everyone to experience the love of Father God.  And you see how we experience the love of Father God determines how we receive everything that God has available for us in this life.  And I have to tell you I understand what David said, in reference to “Please don’t take your Holy Spirit from me.”  He understood the love of God the Father and you could take anything away from Paul, anything away from David, but don’t take God’s love away.  And with God’s love, no matter what happens on this earth, you will be in perfect peace, that’s what God has available to his children.  Now AJ had an alcoholic father, an abusive father, especially while he was drinking; a mother that was an alcoholic; she had just very severe asthma; she was anorexic; she was suicidal; she didn’t get along with her siblings.  And she was pulled out of school one day by her mother and found out her father was dying, he was in the hospital, he had fallen down ninety-two stairs, all sorts of internal bleeding, he was not going to survive.  And of all the children the father says “I want to see AJ.”  AJ doesn’t want to see him she was pulled out of school, literally by the hair on her head to go see him because he was dying.  And he wanted to make amends with his daughter and so she goes in, she didn’t realize the reason he was dying is he tried to get off of alcohol and as a result he went into convulsions and seizures and fell down ninety-two stairs.  But his reason for wanting to get off of alcohol was to have a restoration with his daughter AJ.  So AJ is in there, the doctor overhears the conversation and what was the conversation like AJ between you and your Dad?

AJ: Well, when I went around the curtain my Dad just looked over at me and he opened up his hand and he said, “One more chance,” and I said, “No.”  And my Dad started crying and I don’t ever remembering seeing my Dad cry before that, and so it was kind of shocking.  And he said it again, “One more chance and I said, “I can’t do that.”  And I walked away, I just walked back to walk out of the little curtain area and the doctor stopped me and he said, “You know your Father isn’t going to live through the night, so why don’t let him die thinking he has one more chance.”  So I thought about that for a second and thought okay that’s okay if he is going to die, that’s fine.  Then went around and I looked at my Dad and I remember just putting up you know one finger and saying “You have one more chance,” and I wish I had said it with kindness, or anything, but I didn’t I was just, it was almost, I was so angry you know.  And anyway, I ran away, literally I ran out of the hospital and disappeared for several hours.  But what happened was, the bleeding just stopped overnight, I mean the next morning the doctors were like, we can’t explain it you know, but the bleeding has stopped overnight.  And you know, he’s going to be okay, and I just knew that God had kind of set me up.  So I kind of freaked out about that, but my Dad was in the hospital for about a week, a little over a week and then he came out.  So yeah, he ended up checking himself into a drug and alcohol rehab center for, I can’t remember if it was about six or nine months at this point actually, but it was ages and he let all his clients know.  He was an architect and he let them all know that he was an alcoholic and he was getting his family back.  And that sort of started the road for us towards having a relationship.  When he got out he wanted his one more chance that I had promised him and so that was a scary moment for me.  So, I remember sitting down with my Dad and my sister because I didn’t want to be with my Dad on my own and just sort of saying “Okay if you want your one more chance, then here’s the ground rules; if you ever yell at me again I will charge you for everything that you’ve ever done, if you ever touch me again, I’ll charge you for everything that that you’ve ever done.”  I just went through this horrible list with him, and he said, “Yeah, that sounds fair.”  And what that really started for me was probably four or five of the best years of my life where God completely restored our relationship.  I mean, more than restored, because we didn’t really have one before.  And my Dad became like my best friend, we both were swimming competitively and we and we would go to each other’s meets and we would go on vacation, just the two of us.  And we just; he was amazing when he wasn’t drinking; and I remember in high school, my best friend in high school use to call me Dad my other best friend because she knew if I was cancelling with her it was because I was going out with Dad.

Sid: You know that was wonderful, but then you got hit again; I mean how much can one person take; your Dad then after you developed this wonderful relationship with him, he killed himself.

AJ: Yeah.

Sid: Why did he do that?

AJ: I don’t know, I don’t suppose you ever know why, I was about nineteen and we knew that he hadn’t been sleeping and stuff like that.  He had insomnia but just got a call one day and all of a sudden my whole world fell apart again.  And I had been saved about four year years by this time; but if I’m honest I didn’t know.  God was so speaking, but I didn’t know how to hear His voice so I didn’t know where look in the Bible to make me feel any better.  And I hadn’t dealt with any of my issues; I just better shove them all down you know so they all came up real fast.  And life became…

Sid: I noticed that if believers don’t deal with these things the devil sets them up knowing that they have all this stuff inside of them ready to explode.

AJ: Sure it will eat you alive.

Sid: Okay, so you planned to get out of this life the way your Dad did; you planned on committing suicide; you were going to over medicate; what stopped you?

AJ: I heard the voice of God, I was at my Dad’s apartment and my family, my family was kind of a wreck; everybody was a wreck.  And my sister had just gotten out of the physic ward struggling with depression and my mother was struggling with depression so it was just they voted and I was voted in as the strongest member of the family to clean up the mess because we couldn’t pay anyone to clean up the mess of his suicide.  So I was sitting in this room trying to get the blood off of the floor and I just thought, “You know what he had a right and I’m going to do this and I’m going to make sure it works this time.” because I had tried before.  And I got a whole bunch of pills and I got enough that it would have done it and I was just sort of getting ready to swollen them and I heard a voice; like audibly heard a voice in the room very loudly saying, “No, I love you!”  And it shocked me, because I knew nobody was in the house with me and so I dropped all the pills.  And when I finally got my head together and I looked down and the pills were all sitting in his blood and I couldn’t pick them up so I just sat there and I cried until about a half hour later my Mom came back and found me in the same position.  So yeah, God stopped me.

Sid: And not only did He stop you, but a friend then invites you to a church that’s not your style, its John Arnott’s.  At that time it was a Vineyard Church and you’re seated in the congregation against your will; you were coerced to go; and tell me about the first song you heard.

AJ: The first song I heard was an old vineyard song called “Father I Want You to Hold Me” and I had never been in a church like this and I was sitting you know two rows from the back under protest.  And I remember when that first song started playing I heard this horrible sound; this sort of horrible wailing kind of sound and it probably took me literally about thirty seconds to figure out that I was making that sound.  I couldn’t contain the pain any more you know and so as I guess the Holy Spirit was just moving through that room and I uncapped in a very big way.  And so I actually cried all the way through worship, I don’t think a person near me could hear anything.

Sid: And then John Arnott had a word of knowledge, what was it?

AJ: Well, he was at the end of speaking he was standing at the front and he said, “You know there’s somebody here that Daddy loves them.”

Sid: Stop, were out of time, oh, will pick up right here.